To My Bonsai Man, happy first birthday

Today Oliver turns 1. So this special post is for him.

My bonsai man,

I’m not going to say you changed my life, because I can’t even remember a life without you.

I’m not going to say all the things you taught me in this first year together, as I’d end up with a never-ending letter.

I’m not going to remember how intense that Sunday was a year ago. When you’re a bit older, you’ll probably read it here. But yes, it was intense and one of the best days of my life.

I’m not going to say all the things I love most about you—your smell, your breath, your feet (even when they smell!), your being an almost exact copy of your dad, your natural pony tail, your look 20cm away when you feed, your sounds. Ops, I actually did say them.

I’m not even going to say I love you, because I know you know it, I show you every waking second of my days.

But the day of today makes me emotional and I want to celebrate with you.

The miracle of life. Sometimes it’s still amazes me that you formed from a cell inside of me.

The beauty of seeing you evolving into your own person, surely taking after me and your father, but mostly just being you.

The achievement of getting through my first year as a mother and actually doing a decent job.

The things that I’d change if I could go back to that very first day and relive it all—yes, there are a few! They’ve been amazing life lessons and maybe one day I’ll put them in writing.

The amazingness of realising each day more that there’s a third person—a bonsai one, but more and more real and present—in our house. It still feels strange at times.

The challenges that you brought with you in the relationship between me and your father. After surviving this year and all its emotionally stormy days, I think we can survive anything.

This new feeling I discovered since you came around. Maybe one day I’ll find a name for it, because this is definitely not just love.

Happy birthday, my bonsai man! (And happy 1st mummy year to me. You did it, Carlotta!)