Let's stop saying "be good" to a crying baby
Carlotta Cerri
–
Fondatrice de La Tela
9 giugno 2021·2 commenti
At the market. A mom holds her 6 months old baby boy while buying veggies. He observes everything, all the colors, it’s a sensorial explosion, he’s mesmerized, focus, calm. He’s in his natural state: sensorial exploration and learning.
As soon as she puts him back in the stroller, he starts crying. She gets nervous, and promptly says to everybody: “He’s been good until now” and to the baby, “Be good! Why are you like that now?”.
Why?
Because from inside the stroller, the sky is grey, there’s nothing interesting to see, that’s why. The baby is not bad, he’s communicating.
Crying is a baby’s way to communicate what they feel, but I often see that baby’s crying is associated with negativity, with “not being good”.
It’s time we shake that mentality off: a baby’s crying is not bad, it’s communication, it’s language.
Saying “Be good” when a baby cries sends the wrong messages: “When you cry, you’re bad!”, “You’re good only when you’re quiet”.
We need to change that mentality! A baby who cries is a baby who talks.
We need to stop feeling like we need to justify a baby’s crying. When your child cries, there’s no need to explain anything to anybody; instead you might interpret out loud what they’re trying to communicate: “Ah, are you telling me that you preferred looking at the vegetables? I hear you, they’re so much more colorful, aren’t they!”.
It’s not only a great empathy exercise for you, it’s also a healthy mentality to spread and in the long term it sends a positive message to your child.
Everybody wins (also future generations!).
As soon as she puts him back in the stroller, he starts crying. She gets nervous, and promptly says to everybody: “He’s been good until now” and to the baby, “Be good! Why are you like that now?”.
Why?
Because from inside the stroller, the sky is grey, there’s nothing interesting to see, that’s why. The baby is not bad, he’s communicating.
Crying is a baby’s way to communicate what they feel, but I often see that baby’s crying is associated with negativity, with “not being good”.
It’s time we shake that mentality off: a baby’s crying is not bad, it’s communication, it’s language.
Saying “Be good” when a baby cries sends the wrong messages: “When you cry, you’re bad!”, “You’re good only when you’re quiet”.
We need to change that mentality! A baby who cries is a baby who talks.
We need to stop feeling like we need to justify a baby’s crying. When your child cries, there’s no need to explain anything to anybody; instead you might interpret out loud what they’re trying to communicate: “Ah, are you telling me that you preferred looking at the vegetables? I hear you, they’re so much more colorful, aren’t they!”.
It’s not only a great empathy exercise for you, it’s also a healthy mentality to spread and in the long term it sends a positive message to your child.
Everybody wins (also future generations!).
Scritto da
Carlotta Cerri
– Fondatrice de La Tela
Sono la fondatrice de La Tela, creatrice del podcast Educare con calma e dal 2019 viaggio a tempo pieno con la mia famiglia Alex, Oliver ed Emily. Mi ritengo una visionaria pessimista: so come voglio cambiare l’educazione e che genitore ho scelto di essere, ma la maggior parte dei giorni mi sembra di scalare pareti di vetro. Ma forse proprio per questo so come aiutarti quando mi scrivi: perché ci passo anche io per quel disagio e ti dico le verità scomode con gentilezza e senza giudizio.
